it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
