I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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