I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
