Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
