I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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