This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
