You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize