today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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