everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize