i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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