Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
