youre lurking in front of me
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
