do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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