We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize