I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
