The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
