"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
