they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
