You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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