Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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