Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
