how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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