he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
