yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
