Sorry, I don't speak sober.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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