just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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