hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I want her autograph on my taint
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
