My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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