You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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