Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
