OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize