My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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