areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
