Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
