Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
