So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
