I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
