I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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