just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
