Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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