he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
