So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
