is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
