my soul wont recognize me after tonight
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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