pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
