i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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