hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
