I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
