Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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