she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
