Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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