At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
