so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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