im drinking this country out of the recession.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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