that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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