Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
you made out with another girl for some wings
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize