I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
