My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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