Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
