i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
