How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If I die, sorry about rent.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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